Urban R&D: the perfect keychain

After many years of research and testing, I think I have finally hit upon the ideal keychain. Before I get into specifics, though, lets talk about what, exactly, makes a keychain “Ideal”.

  • First and foremost, silence: I don’t want to hear my keys every step I take.
  • Additionally, the ideal keychain must be lightweight, as light as possible.
  • Small, so as to not interfere with my day to day movements and add the least wear and tear to my pants as possible.
  • Indestructible: I’m carrying this thing everywhere, and well, probably going to be sitting on it.
  • Utilitarian: Why else would I carry it with me? For me, utilitarian means being able to store some data, open a beer, easily open packages, and turn a screw here and there.
  • Easy to add and remove elements: oddly enough, this is the toughest bit to combine with the rest. The traditional split ring keychain makes adding or removing anything a fight at best.
  • Finally, that it can be attached to my beltloop and fit in the backpocket of my pants, without clumping up at the bottom of the pocket, so that I don’t have to sit on my keys, and instead they stay to the upper corner of the pocket.

So, what collection of objects has all of these wonderful properties?

The carabiner key

The Lucky Line Keyring: easy to add and remove keys, but never comes undone accidentally.

The Lacie Iamakey, slow but small and indestructible.

The NiteIze S-Biner size #4: It is the perfect size to hang off a beltloop and into your pocket.

The Gerber shard, sharp enough to cut plastic clamshell packaging, opens a beer, turns a screw, and the TSA lets it through. Super cheap to boot.

 

And that, my friends, is the perfect keychain.

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