After many years of research and testing, I think I have finally hit upon the ideal keychain. Before I get into specifics, though, lets talk about what, exactly, makes a keychain “Ideal”.

• First and foremost, silence: I don’t want to hear my keys every step I take.
• Additionally, the ideal keychain must be lightweight, as light as possible.
• Small, so as to not interfere with my day to day movements and add the least wear and tear to my pants as possible.
• Indestructible: I’m carrying this thing everywhere, and well, probably going to be sitting on it.
• Utilitarian: Why else would I carry it with me? For me, utilitarian means being able to store some data, open a beer, easily open packages, and turn a screw here and there.
• Easy to add and remove elements: oddly enough, this is the toughest bit to combine with the rest. The traditional split ring keychain makes adding or removing anything a fight at best.
• Finally, that it can be attached to my beltloop and fit in the backpocket of my pants, without clumping up at the bottom of the pocket, so that I don’t have to sit on my keys, and instead they stay to the upper corner of the pocket.

So, what collection of objects has all of these wonderful properties?

• Carabiner Key
• Lucky Line Keyring
• Lacie Iamakey
• Nite-Ize S-Biner #4
• Gerber Shard

The carabiner key

The Lucky Line Keyring: easy to add and remove keys, but never comes undone accidentally.

The Lacie Iamakey, slow but small and indestructible.

The NiteIze S-Biner size #4: It is the perfect size to hang off a beltloop and into your pocket.

The Gerber shard, sharp enough to cut plastic clamshell packaging, opens a beer, turns a screw, and the TSA lets it through. Super cheap to boot.

And that, my friends, is the perfect keychain.